Man vs. Boobs

For centuries now there has been in existence an unspoken, forbidden relationship between all men and all boobs. It’s a look, but don’t stare. A stare, but don’t touch. A touch, but don’t….well you can see where I am going with this. Since the beginning of time, us men have had an obsession with women’s breasts, and unfortunately for us they are fully aware of our fascinations and know exactly how to exploit them. However, at some point along the way society foolishly decided that it was taboo for men to blatantly stare, gawk, or admire a nice rack as it casually passes by. So how do women react to this? Well they do what women do best- they taunt us by throwing them in our faces! They keep coming out with lower cut tops, even more revealing dresses, and bathing suits that can be confused for dental floss! They find new ways to draw attention to themselves in an effort to better show off their “assets”, but then expect us not to look (or drool!). So here us guys are, trapped every single day in this proverbial game of cat and mouse. We have all of our natural urges pulling our eyes down into your cleavage like gravity, coupled with the tiny tank top or low cut shirt you chose to strut around the mall in; And then us guys must use every ounce of our willpower to resist getting caught looking, or face the consequences of being labeled a pervert or a weirdo. Take a look for example at the ultimate stare-fest: The idyllic, ever sought-after topless beach. Here women go to lay in the sun, half nude with their breasts oiled up and on display, yet it is NOT okay for men to gawk. As a result we are forced to constantly come up with new and inventive ways to scope out the scenery without letting the women know what we are up to (at least we tell ourselves that the women are unaware). Whether it’s the simple “look straight ahead with sunglasses on” trick or the old “overthrow the ball so my buddy has to walk over to the topless chicks to retrieve it” maneuver, the possibilities are endless. Next time I’m at one of these magical places I think I might pretend to be blind with a seeing eye-dog that has an attraction to nipples. (Guys I’ll let you know how that one works out). But really think about this concept: Girls take their tops off at a public beach, but MEN are considered pigs for looking at them? C’mon?

Now don’t get me wrong, I myself am a happily engaged guy, but whether I’m walking down the street alone or with my fiancée, I still can’t always fight the urge to enter the fantasy land that exists under a girl’s shirt when a nice set of twins crosses my path. Call it science. Call it nature. Call it whatever you want, but the bottom line is it is not a fair fight. Most of us are preprogrammed with this in our DNA. It also doesn’t help we spend the first year of our lives with a nipple in our mouth! Women are consciously choosing to not make it any easier on us, yet they have no qualms making us feel like creeps for staring. So by now you are probably thinking, WOW, it sounds like this guy would rather live in a world where women were covered from head to toe! My response would be a big fat HELL NO! All I’m saying to the ladies out there is next time you catch some poor guy with his eyes glued down your shirt- don’t get upset. Don’t be uncomfortable.  Look back at him and say THANK YOU! Then give yourself a pat on the back because that little top you are spilling out of accomplished the one mission you were thinking about when you purchased it! ATTENTION!